My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
