when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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