Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
