I'm so fucking centered right now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
