That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
