You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
