I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
