...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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