oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
