i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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