We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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