Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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(315): View more from New York

words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover

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(727): View more from Florida

and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

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(816): View more from Missouri

i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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(516): View more from New York

He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

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(510): View more from California

I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.

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(540): View more from Virginia

You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina

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