OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love accidental penises.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
