I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
