protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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