She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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