Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cannot find my penis.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
