I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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