You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
