Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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