Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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