id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
