That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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