fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
