I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
