Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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