Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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