don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We left the knife in your bed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
