Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
