you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
