I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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