Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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