McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
