but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
