gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
