i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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