This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
