Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
