and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So squirting runs in the family.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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