Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
