You just made me feel so damn special
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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