I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's JV to your varsity
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
