I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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