wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
