I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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