I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
