life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
