I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
