The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someone shattered a urinal.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
