dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
